well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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