He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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