look no pants
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
