Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.

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(310): View more from California

Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.

(1-310): View more from California

Shall we take a trip back?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?

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