I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
