Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
