i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
