I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
