I have demons in me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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