last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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