Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she looked like the before picture.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it's like iHOP with fire
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
