Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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