he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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