dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
