I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
