Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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