woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
