he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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