So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
