I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
