i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
