every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
