The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
