shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And my parents said I crawled through the house
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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