Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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