I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
