She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Be still, my beating vagina.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
