pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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