I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
