True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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