I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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