First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
