is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
