and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize
