She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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