I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
