This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
