The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
