all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
