my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's the barista slut.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
