Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
