Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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