He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pants are for mortals
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
