She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
