Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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