your parents love me but you hate me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
