goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
