her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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