Four minutes until I can fart!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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