pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
