dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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