I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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