My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
