The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
