Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
