Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh god it's open bar.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
