The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
