So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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